As I do regularly when it is good weather I go to the park and read a book.
There was one woman sitting on the same table and bench that I wanted to sit and she was reading too.
I took out my book and began to read.
After a while the lady next to me asked me to watch her belongings for a while while she moved her. Sure, no problem.
I like to notice when people trust me and when not.
"See how influential I am? People trust me like that." Is what I like to say but it is maybe not completely what it seems always.
After a while when she was back and gave her son a cookie I got one too.
Generosity as a reward, I see.
Of course I don't see every interaction I have as a economic transaction but the more you know the more you notice sometimes, These are just ways of looking at things.
And I was looking at some research in the book I was reading: Pre-suasion from Robert B.Cialdini.
New research shows that focal focus determines how we contribute causality.
When you are watching a conversation you will find the person that you can see the face from as more asserting and influencing the conversation and the ones that you can't see so directly as more receptive.
In interrogations the camera is always behind and above the police officer andthat means that the causality is put automatically on the person interrogated.
When the camera position changes to a viewpoint where you see the side view of both people in the conversation or interrogation the way we interpret the influence and intent of both people becomes more balanced.
Interesting. I was already aware of how we have mental space were we organise how we relate to things specially but this was new.
How we relate to each other is strongly influenced by how we specially relate to them: are we directly facing the person then we are biased towards perceiving that person as opposing us. Are we next to that person then we are more likely to perceive them as somebody who cooperates with them. These are simple and somewhat over simplified concepts to get my point across.
The lady next to me was perceiving me not only as a fellow reader but also as a somebody that is on her side.....because I was sitting on her side.
These physically positions in space translate in to how we process relationships mentally, in a mental space.
To bring even more perspective to the situation in the park, I am overestimate my own influence because I perceive it from my point of view. I want to be the hero in the story. Many people may be where I am living be very open to trust other people o the lady might just be in a good mood today, it was very nice weather...for once in Belgium.
We often overestimate our own influence in a situation and underestimate the other factors.
But... once we are aware of where we truly are in a situation we can influence it even more and we can use the power of mental space even more.